Funny Forwarded Email

Hi,
This is just a lolworthy email I got sent the other day. Felt it deserved to be shared to my 3 followers!!
Enjoy...







> Subject: very funny - Teachers n Cops
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>> These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
>>  (but, boy, are these funny!)
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>> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and started to dig.
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>> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
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>> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
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>> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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>> 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
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>> 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
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>> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
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>> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
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>> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
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>> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
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>> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
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>> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
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>> These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
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>> 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
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>> 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile.'
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>> 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
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>> 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
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>> 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
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>> 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
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>> 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
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>> 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '
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>> 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
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>> 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
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>> 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
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>> 5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
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>> 4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
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>> 3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
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>> 2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
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>> AND THE WINNER IS....
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>> 1 'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here
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